Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Our Decision

As I was reading my Bible one morning, I came across a verse that explained exactly the way I feel right now. Jeremiah 10:23 says: "I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps." This is what I have been praying to God for several months. I have felt a pull to do something that made no sense to me and I knew that it came directly from God. So I have been telling God that my life is not my own and that He is going to have to direct my steps every second of every day to make this work. This is His plan that I am very willing to do and now it is something that I desire so strongly that I feel like I should have felt this way my whole life.
About a year ago, Chad and I decided that we were ready to have another child. I think he always felt like we would not be done after Caleb, but I wasn't so sure. But then I decided that it was something that I really wanted also. So at the beginning of this year we started trying fully expecting for it to be easy for us to get pregnant like it was with the boys. But while we were trying to conceive, I got this strong desire to adopt. It truly came from nowhere and I was extremely surprised. Sometime later, probably late April or early May, I told Chad that I wanted to adopt. We were driving down Rice Mine going to my parents’ house when I made my big announcement. He gave me a look that said I was crazy and said that if I was talking about another cat, the answer is no. Of course I wasn't talking about a cat, I was talking about a child. He reminded me that we were trying to get pregnant. I said I know, I can't explain it, it doesn't make sense, but I want to adopt at some point. He was okay with it, thinking that we would consider it sometime later.

A few weeks after this, we started hearing about several families in our church that were just beginning the process of adopting. They were popping up everywhere. We were thinking that this was all very weird and I started looking up adoption agencies and countries to adopt from on the internet. It really consumed my thoughts. But then on June 1, we found out we were pregnant. It was obvious to us that we would have to put adoption on hold and wait until we came to a point after the baby was born to reconsider. We were very excited about having a new baby and told the boys and then started telling everyone else. We were scheduled for our first ultrasound and doctor appointment on July 7. This obviously did not go as we had hoped. During the ultrasound, there was no heartbeat and we realized that we were not going to have this baby. After blood work and another ultrasound to confirm, we decided to have a D&C on July 10. We were devastated and didn't understand why this was happening.

In the weeks following my miscarriage, I felt God speaking to me through many scriptures. Two verses that meant so much to me were Jeremiah 29:11: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" Also Isaiah 55:8: "For my thoughts are not your thought, neither are your ways my ways." Although I was hurting, I knew that God had a plan for our family and it was going to be more wonderful than I could ever imagine. Again, I had a strong desire to adopt and I started looking at agencies online again and really praying about it. Now I started dreaming about adopting and once again, we were hearing of other families who were going through this process.

After a sermon one Sunday morning that focused on what God is calling us to do, we came home and talked long and hard about adopting. I was ready, Chad just wasn't there yet. He still really wanted to have another baby first and wanted to put adoption on hold for the moment. I was okay with that and a few weeks later, we found out I was pregnant again. At some point Chad had a dream that we got pregnant, but then we miscarried again. When he told me about his dream, I said that if that happened I was done. I knew that if we miscarried again that we would have to stop trying. Multiple miscarriages is just too hard.

But we did get pregnant again. This time I did not tell anyone. I was really protecting myself. I was excited about the baby and I knew that there was no way that we would miscarry again and was looking forward to telling our families. But I also had no desire to tell right away. I wanted to make sure that everything would be okay. On Sunday, November 8, it was Adoption Sunday nationwide. We knew this, but I really didn't expect that there would be anything mentioned about it at church. I was wrong, this is what the sermon was about. During the entire sermon, I was praying. It had become obvious to me that we would someday adopt, but I just didn't know how the timing of it would work out. So I was praying, asking God to work it out and make it obvious to us when we were supposed to do it. I almost felt sad that I was pregnant and could not just go ahead and get started in the process. This was really heavy on my mind and Chad, of course, knew what I was feeling. We talked about it on the way home and considered our options of what to do while we were pregnant and couldn't adopt right then.

I felt fine that day, but when we got home I noticed the signs of what seems to be a miscarriage. We prayed, pleading with God to save this pregnancy. On Monday morning, it was becoming more obvious that I was probably going to miscarry. Also on Monday morning, Chad came home from dropping John David off at school and said that he was ready to go forward on the adoption. I was thrilled, but my focus was on my pregnancy. I called the doctor's office and they wanted to see me that day. I had to call Mom to tell her that I was pregnant and miscarrying and ask is she could keep the boys for me while we were at the doctor. After I told her what was happening, she very gently remarked on how God was really working in our church with adoption. I knew that was my chance to tell her what I had been thinking about for so long. She was very excited and completely supportive.

We went to the doctor and he told us that he wasn't sure if I was miscarrying and that it could go either way. Basically we had to wait for 48 hours to do another blood test and that would tell us if we miscarried or not. I really didn't need anymore blood work to confirm it to me. I knew that this pregnancy was not going to last and I also knew that the timing was right for our adoption. So instead of just researching on the internet, I requested information packets from several different agencies. On Friday of that week, I called someone who is adopting to ask her some questions. I told her that we had decided to adopt. She was excited and told us that many of the families from our church that are adopting were meeting with the elders that night to talk about their adoptions. She invited us to come. This made it so real to us. We felt that God was leading us there to help us realize that we would have tremendous support from our church family in this adoption.

After a lot of research and praying, we have decided to adopt a little girl from Nepal. We really wanted to adopt a girl and wanted her to be younger than Caleb. The reason that Nepal was so interesting to us was because two of their criteria are that if you have children of one gender, you must adopt the opposite gender and that the child you adopt has to be younger than your youngest child. Nepal seemed like an answer to our prayers. We have applied with an agency in Tupelo, MS that does Nepal adoptions. We are very excited and look forward to bringing our daughter home to her family.


  1. Amanda, I will pray for your patience and peace of mind during this journey. Your precious boys will be and are sweet brothers.

  2. What a beautiful story Amanda. It brought tears to my eyes and chill bumps even though I've heard it before!! So glad to have you and Chad as fellow travelers on the road to adoption!

  3. How exciting for you and Chad. What a lucky little girl to be adopted into your family. You inspire me to listen for God's voice in my own life. If you should need anything don't hesitate to call on us. Much Love

  4. Wow Amanda. Thank you for having the courage to share this. Being an adopted child myself, I can tell you that Chad and yourself are in a position to make an indescribable impact on someone's life. God bless you guys. I look forward to reading this in the future. If you ever get bored check out my blog at

  5. Amanda, I'm so happy for you, Chad and the boys. I love that you guys are making a miracle a real thing for a precious child and yourselves. You guys will stay in our prayers as you go through this journey! Love to you all~